VALUES
"8 Ways to Teach Your Child Values"
values," says Gary Bauer former White House Advisor and President
of the Family Research Council.
What are values and how do we teach them to our
children?
Webster defines values as
1) the social principles,
goals or standard held or accepted by an individual
2)
that which is desirable or worth of esteem. Your
values determine how you and your family live. A
value you may hold is honesty, importance of family,
or having fun. There are numerous values that you have that you
may or may not be aware of. Your values may change from day to
day.
Whether or not you are aware of it, you have priorities within your
values. For example, you may value work more than you value time
spent with your family. If this is the case, you may find that your
children and your spouse are doing some negative things to get
your attention. Being at home may feel draining or tense. However
if you change your priority to value your family more than you do
work, you will find that your family will become more supportive of
you and your work. As a result, you will feel nourished by your
family.
The way you can determine what values you have are by the results
you are getting. In the case above, if you are not feeling nurtured by
your family, you may want to pay attention to how much you are
investing in your family. Pay close attention to what you spend your
time and your money on. This will also help you determine what you
value.
Eight Ways To Teach Values
1. Determine What Values You Want
Make a list of you top ten priorities for your family. This will
help you keep your intention on creating what you want your
children to learn.
Sometimes in an
attempt to make life
easy for ourselves, we
let things slide. In the
long run, it usually
takes us much longer.
2. Set Rules Around Your Values
Don't be afraid to set rules around your values. For example, if
having family time is important to you at dinner, don't allow
interruptions such as phone calls, TV, or absenteeism for either you
or your children.
3. Be Unrelenting About Your Values
Sometimes in an attempt to make life
easy for ourselves, we let things slide. In
the long run, it usually takes us much
longer. The longer we put things off the
more frustrating the situation gets for
everyone.
4. Emphasize Your Actions With Your Words
Talk to your child about your actions. Tell them the good
feeling that you get from following through on a value. For
example, "I greeted people at church today. It really fills my heart
when I can make people feel good.
5. Look for Teaching Opportunities
Keep alert for stories from real life, TV, books and newspapers
that illustrate a value that you think is important. For example, my
son loves football and thinks that Emmit Smith is the greatest. My
husband got him the book "The Emmit Zone," which is full of
important values for my son. Point out actions of neighbors and
friends that demonstrate values. For example, I told my children
about a friend who called me to apologize for lying to me the
previous day.
6. Teach Your Child To Prioritize
For example, if your family is in a stressful situation and your
nine-year-old is being inappropriately demanding, you may want to
ask, "What's more important right now, you getting your way or that
we all calm down and create some peace in this family?" It is
important that you ask this question without instilling guilt or being
demanding.
7. If Your Child Isn't Honoring a Value
Are my actions
congruent with
my talk?
You may want to check the following if your child isn't honoring
a value you hold dear.
Am I sending a clear message?
For example, you may really want the TV off three days a week
but you only occasionally ask your family to turn off or turn down
the TV.
Are my actions congruent with my talk?
A friend of mine was walking out of a store
with his daughter. He noticed that the clerk had
given him too much change and started going back
to the store. The daughter asked, "Why are you
going back when she only gave you a dollar too much?" He replied,
"My integrity is worth more than a dollar."
Am I too controlling about my desire for my child to share my
value?
Note: If your teenager is rebelling against your values, this is
not only normal but, important for him to determine his own values.
This is a stage and he will grow out of it.
8. Discuss Your Own Struggles with Your Values
Share with your child how you struggle with your own values.
For example, "My boss wanted me to do something that would save
the company money. I don't want to do it because in will hurt the
environment. I am really struggling with this because I am not sure
what he will do if I stick up for what I believe in." Hearing you
struggle helps your child clarify his own values. It also helps him to
not feel alone in his struggles. Be insistent, subtle, creative, and
inviting about teaching values. Don't give boring lectures, orders or
use "band wagon" approaches. Without values, our children are left
to their own devices or pick up the values of peers or media. When
you care enough to stick up for your values, your children develop a
deep respect for you and themselves.
